Mansplaining Mental Illness

I got up at 4:30 to have some “me time.” I’ve recently reduced to part-time, and am looking for an at-home position to be closer to my kid. I’ve never really worked at home before, but I think I would dig it. I’m also determined to start submitting writing to websites, rejection rates be damned. You don’t get better if you don’t practice and learn from your experiences, right?

So, dear readers, what has happened these past few months? Here, we’ve been managing medication changes. I would say it’s been fun, but I don’t think that’s the right word. We have been trying to focus enough to pass online courses. I have contacted several other online school websites, because (praise administrators and teachers for trying), the district online learning is just not jiving with E’s disability. They’re trying to get an IEP in place, but it’s a slow process, and I know everyone is overwhelmed.

In my search for online and other part-time work, I noted that the district is hiring interventionists to keep kids from failing. Which means, this lovely pandemic and its repercussions are not just affecting MY kid. Everyone is struggling.

And by the way, they sure don’t make being disabled easy. In case you were wondering. They’ve given me enough red tape to hang myself. I wanted to see about a certain treatment program that we were cleared for this spring. But now that it’s been over six months, we would have to start the reevaluation process. On top of the IEP process, and the gender support meeting, and the counseling, and the med management, and the family support, and the coordinated care team…I’ve been up to my eyeballs in appointments and paperwork.

And at the heart of all this bureaucracy, there is a child, suffering. It breaks my heart.

In order to get more support, I tried to attend NAMI virtual meetings. The first meeting went well, though the other members indicated that they had adult children. The second meeting, however, seemed to be led by a gentleman (ahem) who held certain convictions about mental illness. When he heard that I had been divorced in the last five years, he asserted that my child’s mental maladies were a result of early childhood trauma. The exact quote was, “Sometimes, when people are seeking their own happiness, they forget that they are dragging other people along with them.”

Um, what?

So it’s better to stay in a toxic relationship, one which you might not have survived long-term? And what about the genetic factors? There is a history of one mental illness on one side of the family, and a history of the comorbid condition on the other side of the family. I guess that doesn’t factor in though, according to what this individual read on the internet.

I found what this man said greatly upsetting. As an OCD sufferer I blame myself for EVERYTHING. I accidentally cut someone off while driving yesterday, because when I glanced back to cover my blind spot, the sun was in my eyes. Scared me and her to death, and I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF. Imagine how this gentleman’s claim made me feel. I stayed in the group to listen to someone else’s story, because I didn’t want to be rude. But I will never attend another family support meeting hosted by the local NAMI branch.

Just writing about this has made me furious.

So, puppies and kittens and unicorn farts. I’ve read enough on both disorders to know that logically, it is not my fault.

But STILL.

Guess I’ll look at job boards for the next half-hour or so. Also need to look into purchasing a Windows-based computer, because a lot of at-home jobs require them. And this lovely, lovely laptop that I have keeps going black, at random…

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