Puzzled

I have time to write. And energy to write. It is miraculous indeed.

We survived the fair though I did get a nasty sunburn on my back. My medication allegedly makes me more sensitive to sunlight so I should have known better. By the time we escaped to go out for dinner, my vision was blurry and I was quite dehydrated.

The great news is that one of Violet’s drawings won third place at the fair! I am excited that she has won a ribbon both years she has entered drawings. She shows great potential as an artist and I am so proud of her. She draws constantly and she is always creating something. If I had half of her energy I’d have the book completed by now.

I dredged up the old sarcastic romance novel that I’d written about 25 pages of back in 2007 or so. With this unpredictable, digital age of dating, I might be able to finish it yet. My character is a bit of a caustic little lady. I think she reflects a bit of my former self and so it is interesting writing through her eyes again. I have a bit more experience in the relationship and would-be relationship department now and so I have a few more characters to add to her already significant trials.

Speaking of significant trials, my daughter starts junior high school tomorrow. Having been bullied in elementary school, junior high school marked a significant transformation for me. I found a lot of new friends and started my love affair with writing. I am hoping that Violet continues to run with her current passions, but that perhaps she has a bit more social interaction. She will be in theatre (hooray), but I have yet to convince her to join the choir.

She’s singing right now. She’s developing her own little jazzy style and I think she would be an asset to any ensemble. She adores musicals (except for Cats, interestingly enough). She is a liquid as far as dancing is concerned. Which is a distinct contrast to me at her age. I believe I got the “Every Which Way but Loose” award in junior high for my stiff movements during any sort of choreographed movements in the choir.

Despite our intolerance for Cats, we are still taking the dance class to prepare for the auditions for Music Theatre of Idaho. I think we will be busy doing other things by the time performances roll around anyway so I don’t think either one of us hopes to be cast.

But as with many significant events, there is a complication. My left knee is causing me trouble. I can’t afford physical therapy though I likely need it again. So I will ride on my exercise bike and do the exercises I have formerly been assigned for bursitis and hope that works. If not I may be sitting out during the dance class.

So I have a knee injury, but Violet is finally over the strep that she had for a month. Mona Lisa, our feral cat, finally got rid of her giardia, only to discover that some tapeworms had grown to maturity in her poor little belly. They found the eggs during the last test she had. She has been de-wormed and I think she feels better–she has been a very social creature these last few days and her insatiable appetite seems to have abated a bit.

Despite our medical issues, we are all happy and relatively well adjusted here. I have good days and bad days as always but I am happy to say that I am not in a state of perpetual anxiety. I have my moments, though. And they are difficult to get through. I’ve had some pretty bad memories surface recently and at times I find them hard to deal with. But my therapy and medication allow me to perpetually move forward.

I used to mire myself in negative thoughts and it felt exactly like it sounds–miserable. I would replay every mistake, every awkward social encounter in my head. And it made me quite suicidal at times. I don’t know how the sequence of events in my life has allowed me to break free of these tendencies, but I am so grateful. I was really quite the miserable cow for years. But it’s not something I could just snap out of. It’s not like I could take a walk in the woods and suddenly be restored. It has been more of a gradual awakening, but one that has been well worth the time and the effort. The pieces of the puzzle have fallen into place, revealing a slightly skewed masterpiece. And as we have but one life, that’s going to have to be enough.

I leave you, as always, with a song.

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