Medication Lamentation

I don’t even know what to say.

The loss of my health insurance is significant. I’ve become dependent on these medicines, the chemicals of which help balance my brain. Without them, I’ve been told by the professionals that I’ll likely end up in the hospital. Which, unfortunately, I can’t afford. Because I’ll have no health insurance.

Are we noticing a bit of a conundrum here?

I tell myself that maybe it won’t be so bad. Maybe I won’t live on melatonin and merlot. Maybe my brain will have adjusted itself somehow and I won’t be mired in paranoia and delusion. But I have absolutely no idea how this is going to go. And the uncertainty is enough to drive me nuts.

I’ve learned that my temporary work assignment has been extended through the end of January.  And my position is probably the most ironic bit of this whole mess. I’ve been updating health insurance files in a database to correlate to those on the state health exchange. I deal with health insurance all day and yet it eludes me. Hilarious, right?

Not really. Not at all.

I couldn’t afford the deductibles of the health insurance plans on the exchange, and my employer-sponsored insurance also had an incredibly high deductible. Not ideal for someone in need of ongoing care. Sure, on a more affordable bronze plan I could have had three doctor’s appointments a year for a $50 a pop. After that care would be subject to my outrageous deductible. And what if I need, say, as many medication adjustments as I’ve had in the past year? I guess I would just be out of luck.

I’m a smart girl, or so I tell myself. I am capable. I can do this. It will just require a lot more unecessary suffering. I would haunt the online support groups but who knows what I’ll be able to access if net neutrality truly dies. I get a lot of psychological support online and I’m scared about potentially losing that, too.

But I put on a brave face and I hold back the tears and I say, no really, I am fine. I have to be able to function despite my disability and without chemicals correcting my reality. It will certainly give me a lot more to write about.

And for your sake I’m not going to rant about Congress. They’re reprehensible at best. After all, I live in a state where a wise man once said “Nobody dies because they don’t have access to health care.”

No Raul, of course not.

(Dies on the inside)


One thought on “Medication Lamentation

  1. Can’t believe it has come to this, where sick people cannot get the help we need. It exacerbate our health issues, on top of adding anxiety and hopelessness. Most people don’t understand. I understand. And I am rooting you on.


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